people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
