if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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