I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
