you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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