Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
