I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
