she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
