i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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