FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
