im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
