Dual....:-)
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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