I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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