Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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