We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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