Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
People in love make me want to vomit
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
