There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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