you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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