It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
