Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
