Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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