Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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