My cat gives me a boner
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
