Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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