I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
