I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
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I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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