u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
