Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
well you can't waste a boner
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
There r osticjed everywhere
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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