Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
