i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize