i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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