I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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