dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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