bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
