Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
