Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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