dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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