If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
