Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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