So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
