did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
