we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
