drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
