It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
