so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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