Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
