"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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