is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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