And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize