I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
