So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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