he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I want her autograph on my taint
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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