I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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