I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
