it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
