she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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