A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
