Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
