how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize