She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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