dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
