Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
