you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
