she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
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I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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