Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
