then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
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She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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