Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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