he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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