I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
