When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
