You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
