We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
