If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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