Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
