Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
