I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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