I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
