When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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