I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
